The Amazon Reviews

I plucked the Amazon Reviews off Amazon's website -- probably in some violation of copyright laws, because I thought it would be fun to comment on each of them and a good excuse to post pictures of Amazonian Women. My comments will be in black if I find them necessary, the comments of the Amazonian reviewers will be in some other color.

Natalie Collins can easily draw the reader in to what the main character is feeling. I cannot adequately describe how much I loved reading this book. I easily finished it in a day. Regardless of what some may say, the religious aspects of the book are not the main story line and it is not an expose of Mormonism. The religion is really more like a setting.

I read this book in two days because I couldn't put it down. I appreciated the fast-paced mystery and romance. But even more, I appreciated it because it is an accurate and heartbreaking portrayal of life in contemporary Utah, while entertaining and informing at the same time. There is no exaggeration of the overblown importance of Mormonism's secrets. Hooray Ms. Collins. Another rousing, well-told story. Oh please. We don't have shoot outs on the ward house lawn everyday here in Utah. Plus we only get one body thrown in a dumpster, not five. The portrayal of life in Utah wasn't even all that heartbreaking in the book, she did bag and bed the guy in the end. I'm still trying to decipher this sentence though: "There is no exaggeration of the overblown importance of Mormonism's secrets." Natalie doesn't exaggerate the overblown importance? What happens when you exaggerate the overblown importance? Do things explode? Oh well, back to my heartbreaking life here in Zion.

I think Amazon Barbie is hot. And if one Amazon Barbie is hot, two are hotter. And if two Amazon Barbies are hotter, two Amazon Barbies in a literary catfight are the hottest.

This book was awful. The plot alternates between incoherent and completely predictable. The writing is cliche and clunky. As for the promised expose of Mormonism, that consists of a character scanning a book shelf and noticing titles like Fawn Brodie's "No Man Knows My History."

And Ms. Collin's retort:

First of all, as a writer, I must note that it HAS to be absolutely impossible for a book to alternate between incoherent and completely predictable. That just can’t happen.

Secondly, obviously, your review has an agenda. And that’s okay, except you are not honest about your agenda. There IS no promised expose of Mormonism. Wherever did you get that idea? This book does delve into the Mormon experience, but it certainly doesn’t come close to covering all of it, and doesn’t claim to do so.

Of course, your opinion is yours, Courtney, and I won’t take that away from you. Too bad you can’t write a structured sentence, using the correct form of words, because then, perhaps, people might take you seriously. Or not.

I agree, she should have said "cliched" and instead of "incoherent" used "implausible" then I would have maybe paid attention to her. Granted it wasn't the most articulate review Natalie, but Courtney did bring up an interesting point -- why throw in the shelf of Ex-Mo books at all, except to piss off the predominant culture. I know, your going to say that it was important for Colt's character development, but that is like Dan Brown saying "I really love the pope."

She grew up in the Mormon faith believing in its tenets until the night her fiancé Brian raped her in the temple. No, No, No. The alleged "rape" didn't happen in the temple. If sex happened in the temple it wouldn't be so hard to get people to go. The bishop says both contributed to the rape as Jennie wore provocative clothing and let things go to far; and he should have had the strength to not give in to temptation. Unable to believe the bishop's "words of wisdom" she walked out on Brian and never returned to a temple or a church.

She counsels abused [Natalie, you ought to critique your fan critiques with the same harshness as your critic critiques -- "Too bad you can’t write a structured sentence, using the correct form of words, because then, perhaps, people might take you seriously. Or not."]and is fearful when she learns her best friend Melissa disappeared. The two women along with Michael and Brian were childhood friends until she left her fiancé, but kept close connections with the other two. Jeannie doesn't want to believe Melissa is dead even though all evidence points to Michael killing her. The more she digs the close she comes to getting murdered from a killer who is determined to keep his identity a secret.

This is a chilling thriller that exposes the dark side of religious extremism and intolerance. Even though the heroine walked away from a religion that she now believes treats women as second class chattel [As opposed to first class chattel?], she feels guilty that she no longer accepts the Mormon faith that was her bedrock as a child and teen. The characters are believable and the pace swift and action packed while the romantic sub-plot between the lead detective on the case and the heroine adds spice to a fabulous romantic thriller. Harriet Klausner

And our last Amazon Woman is an Amazon.com Woman.

Collins has woven an incredible plot with living, breathing characters into another fascinating read.

Jannie Fox has survived rape, the betrayal of her birth religion, and betrayal by her family for the last five years by living in an emotional dead zone. Five years as a shadow of the once vibrant person she was. Five years spent hiding from her self, five years dedicated to helping women survive their abusive relationships. [These are what my English Teacher, Mrs. Storey called sentence fragments. Writing this way would not have got me through AP English. And if Natalie was consistent in her condemnation of sloppy critical writing, you wouldn't be writing her rave reviews on Amazon right now. I just know that for all my smart ass remarks, I'm going to have some blaring typo that exposes me, but hey I'm an exhibitionist by nature -- I like to show the world my flaws.] But with the disappearance of her best friend, life has suddenly become three-dimensional, surround-sound, techno-color and now Jannie Fox is running to stay alive.

The Salt Lake City Police Department and Detective Colt Singer are determined to get to the bottom of Melissa's disappearance. Is Colt Singer the man to relight Jannie's heart when Jannie's ex-fiancé wants her back? Can the Salt Lake City Police stop Jannie's childhood friend Michael Holt, Melissa's husband, and bring him to justice? Will you be able to unravel the twist and turns of Jannie Fox's life and the Mormon Church? You'll never know until you read Natalie Collin's latest masterpiece Behind Closed Doors from St. Martin's Press. This is starting to sound a little bit like a plug for a bad reality TV show or a summary of a bad soap opera: Tune in next week to find out if Laura bangs Dr. Kildaire.

Apparently I can't pick up a Natalie Collins book without being mesmerized. From the prologue to the epilogue Collins weaves a tale that sucks you into the storyline with smart dialogue, a twisted - devious plot, and very human characters - characters who live in your memory long after you read the last word and close the book. Make sure you buy Behind Closed Doors because you'll definitely read it more than once. I did.

Calista Cates-Stanturf

And thus concludes the Amazon reviews.