Deseret News Ad Policy Reeks Havoc on Ruzicka

The Newspaper Agency Corporation in its infinite wisdom has seen fit to put revolving ads in its Internet Ad space, thus each time you go to a page to look at an article you get a different ad. In fact, just last Sunday the Tribune's Reader Advocate had a column on inappropriate advertising.

The latest victim in the revolving ad account appears to be right wing gad-fly Gayle Ruzika, that opponent of Cosmopolitan and People magazine covers in the supermarket, had a revolving ad pop up on her son's obituary page -- an ad claiming Sexier Rates, replete with a romance novel couple going after each other over a not-so-randomly phallic Eiffel Tower. Even the small ad above for an unknown product (probably the Want Ads) gets into the ironic effect with "A Match Made in HEAVEN." You know that if Gayle saw the ad (on the beloved Deseret News, no less) you know she would have been at the very least mildly irritated.

This whole thing is tragic and ironic in so many ways. A young man has lost his life. Apparently, if the order of the sentences is any indication of importance, the most important thing about Josh was his church membership. I found that sad. I found it equally sad that the Newspaper Agency Corp. doesn't have the good sense to figure out how to keep from posting inappropriate ads. Just because I wouldn't mind a porno ad next to my obituary, doesn't mean that I can't see that a significant number of people wouldn't want a couple grinning at each other with lust next to their loved one's obituary. The fact that Ruzicka has campaigned against even more benign images being covered up in grocery and convenient stores makes one feel that karmic elements of the universe were converging if the whole damn thing wasn't so awful.

Athiest Missionaries

An athiest comes to Utah to proselytize. I totally love the old guy with the broom.

My Movie: Not

What? You really think I'd post a movie of myself? Made you look. Here are two You-tube videos on the travails of being a Mormon missionary.

Post Card Redux

I can only deduce what was going on in the minds of these people through the power of the Urim and Thummin and continuing revelation.

Pointing the Guns

The entire purpose of the legal system is to determine who has the right to utilize the force of the State. If you are being arrested, it is because the State under the law has the right to use force to kidnap you. If you have been sued, cops with guns show up to take your property or your money. The law is nothing more than the control and organization of violence.

R-Rated Movies: Saturn 3 and Ordinary People

This is also one of those things that used to drive me nuts about Mormonism's prohibition on R-rated movies -- the message of the movie could be highly moral or just, but its R-rating prohibited attendance. Now granted the first R-Rated Movie I went to was Saturn 3 so I could get a glimpse of Farrah's tit (see above for the actual shot from 1980), but the second R-Rated Movie I ever attended was Ordinary People, which featured no tits and haunts me twenty five years later.

Shakespeare would have probably got an R, if not an NC-17 for most of his stuff if it was played out the way he wrote it. The R-rated movie ban in Mormonism is simply a way to 1) make tits more titillating to young men -- although the Internet has probably made them blase by now and 2) to exercise paternalistic control over the mindless herd that can't tell great art from B-movie sleaze.

Boob Ogling

So do the No Credit Card and No Cash mean these are real? Just curious -- click the top picture, ogle and observe.

And then finally, the boobs have eyes . . .

Anne Hathaway Topless or At Least See Through

Just kidding -- sort of. The cut out portion is down below. The thing is that a very large contingency of the computer searching public wants to see this young woman's breasts. I mean, look what you've done to get here. Now stop looking at her tits and go read my blog.

Topless Photos -- Boldly Going Where Letters From A Broad Didn't Go

Now, as part of my ongoing dialogue with c.l. of Letters from A Broad, I've created this footnote to her "topless" blog in which she bailed out of being topless in France. Now, I could have posted pictures of me topless, but I'm a guy and I still don't think anyone would have really given a damn -- despite c.l.'s protestations that half were looking for men.

c.l. and I have been discussing and I plan on continuing to discuss with her for a good long time the anti-sex faction of the feminist movement and the alleged evils of objectification. My most recent comment to her was on how women just flat out refuse to acknowledge how much power their sexuality packs -- economically and emotionally. Now, she has a whole list of posts on sexuality and women issues and I am still a nascent blogger with scant two months under my belt, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

Being the sexist male pig that I am I can post pictures of naked women and get away with it -- sort of. My point with the pictures is probably three fold:

1. Naked women are beautiful and appease my sense of aesthetics.

2. Naked women may be objectifications, but they are objectifications of feminine power, not feminine weakness (and a good dose of pro-sex feminist rhetoric helps the porn go down).

3. I want to show up on search engines -- which is why I cut and paste c.l.'s list from her blog, because don't let her kid you, the reason she made that big long list is so that she has a better chance of showing up sooner on the search engines. (Even in a swimsuit, she has one of those logical, analytical type minds that can figure out computers and stuff.)

So I give you my prayer to Google.

Our Google which art in the Internet,

Hallowed be thy name,

I type in some and my search is done,

In Utah and Zimbabwe,

Give us this day our daily web crawler

And find our words and omit all others.

And lead not the searchers to other web sites,

But deliver them from evil

And to me.

For thine is the kingdom and the glory forever,

Amen

And an extra bless and thanks to Sister chanson for providing with today's bounteous feast of words for the web crawlers consumption.

In the Name of the Internet,

Amen.

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Swimsuits= mc2

This woman can't do math. No really, the feminist psychologists say so.

Ok, I can think of another more logical causal reason why women dressing alone in swim suits might perform more poorly on a math test than the woman dressing alone in a sweater that has nothing to do with self-objectification or a woman's ability to math semi-nude. Culturally we teach our daughters to be wary of sexual come ons. Girls are smart and cautious about being put in unsafe positions, especially college girls. So they go to the test and they are told to put on a swim suit and take a math test. Immediately the anxiety level is ratched up, not because they are worried about how they look, but about who is going to come busting through the door and accoust them. I think there is some strong psychological evidence that anxiety inhibits test performance -- a Google search for "psychological study anxiety test performance" yielded a mere 698,000 hits.

But women can't really do math -- especially in swim suits.

Pissed Off

This guy looked like he was pissed off. Anyway the news report implied that there was a "new study" that verified all sorts of horrible things that happen to young women as a result of being "sexualized."

The report was not a study, but a report of a (self-appointed?) task force under the auspices of the American Psychological Association, which produced this report as a kind of synthesis of various studies that supported the anti-sex feminist agenda of the participants. Now, I might be going a little too far in the other direction with my editorial comments, but I'm editorializing not reporting the news. Bottom line -- the reporter should be spanked for such sloppy reporting.

Butt

Yes, I know I spelled "but" with two "t"s, but I got you to look.

Moroni 10:4-5

Joseph Smith found God directly by following the admonition of James 1:5 --

" 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. "

Later he re-canonized the same concept in Moroni 10:4-5 in the Book of Mormon:

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

These concepts were taught to me growing up as objective empirical tests that could prove the truth of the religion. It was supported by other empirical road marks, the most notable being the objective witnesses (3 and 12), who saw respectively angels and gold plates. The concept that an emipirical test can be applied to subjective spiritual truth isn't foreign, but it is also completely predictable that if objective, empirical evidence is found lacking that a "believer" in the Mormon faith, might be deconverted.

Lapping At Sacramental Wine

Kneeling and praying to the female is a powerful image for me. You take the position of worship -- kneeling. You pay devotion and attention to the divine feminine. The female in this position so often reminds me of the crucified Christ, preparing for that small death of orgasm.

(Original Post)

Sex and Violence -- Two Different Perspectives

There are numerous different aspects of violence and sex. In today's post, I'm talking about violence as a substitute for sexual connection. Further exploration into violence and sex will have to be for later. Some possible areas of exploration:

1. Connection of Sex and Pain

2. Violence within the sex act

3. Sado-masochism

4. Rape and rape fantasies vs. rape realities

5. Bondage

6. Horror and Sex in Movies and Literature

Let me know other topics of discussion.

(Original Post)

On Fire

So what is it about fire and sex? Why, when the hormones are raging do we say we are on fire? Things get burned up in fire and that pretty much sums up my sex life too-- burning and destroying everything in its path. Apparently today, Little Miss Raving Mad Woman is on fire, so in honor of her conflagration, I post my poorest attempts at Photoshop Art.

Drawn and Quartered

We say things and so often forget what they mean. If you were convicted of treason, which I'm assuming most Mormons would accuse me, the punishment in good old merry England at various times. (Drawn and quartered was part of the reason we ban cruel and unusual punishment here in the States.)

Until 1870, the full punishment for the crime was to be "hanged, drawn, and quartered" in that the convict would be:

Dragged on a hurdle (a wooden frame) to the place of execution. (drawn)
Hanged by the neck for a short time or until almost dead. (hanged).
Disembowelled, and the genitalia and entrails burned before the victim's eyes (often mistaken for drawing).[1]
Beheaded and the body divided into four parts (quartered).

Typically, the resulting five parts (i.e. the four quarters of the body and the head) were gibbeted (put on public display) in different parts of the city, town, or, in famous cases, country, to deter would-be traitors. Gibbeting was abolished in England in 1843.

Mary and the Mormons

Now, most folk doctrine in the Mormon church holds that Mary M. (or at the very least, someone else) was married to Jesus. The doctrines of Christ as the exemplar coupled with the New and Everlasting Covenant (eternal marriage necessary for celestial glory) leave no other possible logical conclusion. So of course, in 2006 due to the furor over the Da Vinci Code, which most Mormons took in stride or as yet another sign of the world beginning to understand important truths. The new, correlated and politically correct church, which is trying to distance itself from a) the annoying past and b) anything remotely interesting or fun issued a statement that it has never been "official Church doctrine" that Jesus was married. How is that interesting I ask? I'd love for some continuing revelation to get this whole doctrinal thing figured out.

For a short and accurate portrait of Mary Magdalene in the Mormon view, get thee to Barnes and Noble, snag a copy of Secrets of Mary Magdalene and turn to Page 166 for Maxine Hanks excellent synopsis.

Dartman's Answers

Here are the answers I came up with -- How did I do?

26 Letters of the Alphabet

7 Wonders of the Ancient World

1001 Arabian Nights

12 Signs of the Zodiac

54 Cards in a Deck (with the "Jokers")

9 Planets in the Solar System

88 Piano Keys

13 Stripes on the American Flag

32 Degrees Farhenheit at which Water Freezes

18 Holes on a Golf Course

90 Degrees in a Right Angle

200 Dollars for Passing Go in Monopoly

8 Sides on a Stop Sign

3 Blind Mice See How They Run

4 Quarts in a Gallon

24 Halves in a Dozen

1 Wheel on a Unicycle

5 Digits in a Zip Code

57 Heinz Varieties

11 People on a Football Team

1000 Words that a Picture is Worth

29 Days in February in a Leap Year

64 Squares on a Chess Board

40 Days and Nights of the Great Flood

Kitten

Despite all the possible feline puns available with a name like "Kitten," I shall refrain because this little Kitten apparently likes dogs, not cats. While her moniker may suggest a liking of the cat family, she is into dogs. You can find her blog here.

Kitten's Dog reminded me of a Louis Icart print I have at my house, Coursings III. I couldn't find my version, but found another similar one for this footnote.

Kitten likes to read and knows a lot about books, so you should hide your bookshelf when she comes to visit if you don't want her knowing your deep dark secrets and fantasies, i.e. Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty triology can't be passed off as your kid's fantasy series.

Kitten also resides in Australia and as a result I will cheer for the Wallabies today when I see them play.

GBH, GHB and Other Acronyms

Mormons love acronyms. The origins of this acronym love arose during the 1960s when the baby boomer Mormons took a perverse sense of pride in the fact that Latter Day Saints could be reduced to the acronym, LDS, which was oddly similar to the acronym for Lysergsäure-diethylamid, or LSD. The nearness of the church acronym to a psychedelic drug acronym gave the righteous a sense of consciousness expansion and spiritual awakening without having to sin and actually take the drug. You could listen to the Grateful Dead and take your LDS.

A similar phenomenon is occurring with the current generation of young Mormons, who think it is cool that the leader of the church and prophet, Gorden B. Hinckley or GBH for short, sounds an awful lot like the mind altering, date rape inducing rave drug, Gamma hydroxy butyrate or GHB for short. They can listen to electro-techno pop and follow the words of GBH. You want to be in the world, but not of it, but you should also try and be cool -- even if it means you have dyslexic acronyms.

Crafts are Forever

Every Mormon household has a handcrafted, needlepointed or tole painted "Famlies are Forever" wall hanging some where in the house. No mention is ever made in these sayings on what exactly happens if your family is dysfunctional. Given the absence of any type of meaningful hell in Mormon theology, maybe "Families are Forever" is the closest Mormons come to a traditional concept of hell. Imagine being stuck with some members of your family forever. It makes you wonder if anyone ever thinks these things out.

Crafts are Forever

Every Mormon household has a handcrafted, needlepointed or tole painted "Famlies are Forever" wall hanging some where in the house. No mention is ever made in these sayings on what exactly happens if your family is dysfunctional. Given the absence of any type of meaningful hell in Mormon theology, maybe "Families are Forever" is the closest Mormons come to a traditional concept of hell. Imagine being stuck with some members of your family forever. It makes you wonder if anyone ever thinks these things out.

Ensign

The Ensign is the magazine of choice for Mormon families. The magazine is sanctioned by the Church and periodic magazine drives are held to insure everyone subscribes. Often given as a gift by TBM parents or grandparents to progeny whose faith seems to be slipping, possibly because someone in the house, instead of signing up for the Ensign, has opted for the Mormon Playboy instead: Cosmopolitan.

A logical syllogism may help explain Cosmo's relationship to the young Mormon Male's universe:

Cosmo is to Playboy as Diet Coke is to Coffee.

Low Sperm Package versus No Sperm Package

Given the total inablity of my vasectomy to get me laid more frequently, I would have to say that women must also be able to detect "no sperm package", thus completely negating the biological imperative of frequent copulation. If only I had just been cursed with a low sperm count.

Body of Evidence

Madonna stars in this erotic thriller of a woman accused of killing her lover by fucking him to death. Willem Dafoe conducts an in depth investigation. This movie is a must for any movie erotic library, if for no other reason than the candle wax scene.

Naked Groom

Sideon asked for a naked groom and quite frankly the only reason I didn't post one is because I couldn't find one. For some odd reason this guy came up as "groom" on an image search, so, here is the closest I could find.

The Amazon Reviews

I plucked the Amazon Reviews off Amazon's website -- probably in some violation of copyright laws, because I thought it would be fun to comment on each of them and a good excuse to post pictures of Amazonian Women. My comments will be in black if I find them necessary, the comments of the Amazonian reviewers will be in some other color.

Natalie Collins can easily draw the reader in to what the main character is feeling. I cannot adequately describe how much I loved reading this book. I easily finished it in a day. Regardless of what some may say, the religious aspects of the book are not the main story line and it is not an expose of Mormonism. The religion is really more like a setting.

I read this book in two days because I couldn't put it down. I appreciated the fast-paced mystery and romance. But even more, I appreciated it because it is an accurate and heartbreaking portrayal of life in contemporary Utah, while entertaining and informing at the same time. There is no exaggeration of the overblown importance of Mormonism's secrets. Hooray Ms. Collins. Another rousing, well-told story. Oh please. We don't have shoot outs on the ward house lawn everyday here in Utah. Plus we only get one body thrown in a dumpster, not five. The portrayal of life in Utah wasn't even all that heartbreaking in the book, she did bag and bed the guy in the end. I'm still trying to decipher this sentence though: "There is no exaggeration of the overblown importance of Mormonism's secrets." Natalie doesn't exaggerate the overblown importance? What happens when you exaggerate the overblown importance? Do things explode? Oh well, back to my heartbreaking life here in Zion.

I think Amazon Barbie is hot. And if one Amazon Barbie is hot, two are hotter. And if two Amazon Barbies are hotter, two Amazon Barbies in a literary catfight are the hottest.

This book was awful. The plot alternates between incoherent and completely predictable. The writing is cliche and clunky. As for the promised expose of Mormonism, that consists of a character scanning a book shelf and noticing titles like Fawn Brodie's "No Man Knows My History."

And Ms. Collin's retort:

First of all, as a writer, I must note that it HAS to be absolutely impossible for a book to alternate between incoherent and completely predictable. That just can’t happen.

Secondly, obviously, your review has an agenda. And that’s okay, except you are not honest about your agenda. There IS no promised expose of Mormonism. Wherever did you get that idea? This book does delve into the Mormon experience, but it certainly doesn’t come close to covering all of it, and doesn’t claim to do so.

Of course, your opinion is yours, Courtney, and I won’t take that away from you. Too bad you can’t write a structured sentence, using the correct form of words, because then, perhaps, people might take you seriously. Or not.

I agree, she should have said "cliched" and instead of "incoherent" used "implausible" then I would have maybe paid attention to her. Granted it wasn't the most articulate review Natalie, but Courtney did bring up an interesting point -- why throw in the shelf of Ex-Mo books at all, except to piss off the predominant culture. I know, your going to say that it was important for Colt's character development, but that is like Dan Brown saying "I really love the pope."

She grew up in the Mormon faith believing in its tenets until the night her fiancé Brian raped her in the temple. No, No, No. The alleged "rape" didn't happen in the temple. If sex happened in the temple it wouldn't be so hard to get people to go. The bishop says both contributed to the rape as Jennie wore provocative clothing and let things go to far; and he should have had the strength to not give in to temptation. Unable to believe the bishop's "words of wisdom" she walked out on Brian and never returned to a temple or a church.

She counsels abused [Natalie, you ought to critique your fan critiques with the same harshness as your critic critiques -- "Too bad you can’t write a structured sentence, using the correct form of words, because then, perhaps, people might take you seriously. Or not."]and is fearful when she learns her best friend Melissa disappeared. The two women along with Michael and Brian were childhood friends until she left her fiancé, but kept close connections with the other two. Jeannie doesn't want to believe Melissa is dead even though all evidence points to Michael killing her. The more she digs the close she comes to getting murdered from a killer who is determined to keep his identity a secret.

This is a chilling thriller that exposes the dark side of religious extremism and intolerance. Even though the heroine walked away from a religion that she now believes treats women as second class chattel [As opposed to first class chattel?], she feels guilty that she no longer accepts the Mormon faith that was her bedrock as a child and teen. The characters are believable and the pace swift and action packed while the romantic sub-plot between the lead detective on the case and the heroine adds spice to a fabulous romantic thriller. Harriet Klausner

And our last Amazon Woman is an Amazon.com Woman.

Collins has woven an incredible plot with living, breathing characters into another fascinating read.

Jannie Fox has survived rape, the betrayal of her birth religion, and betrayal by her family for the last five years by living in an emotional dead zone. Five years as a shadow of the once vibrant person she was. Five years spent hiding from her self, five years dedicated to helping women survive their abusive relationships. [These are what my English Teacher, Mrs. Storey called sentence fragments. Writing this way would not have got me through AP English. And if Natalie was consistent in her condemnation of sloppy critical writing, you wouldn't be writing her rave reviews on Amazon right now. I just know that for all my smart ass remarks, I'm going to have some blaring typo that exposes me, but hey I'm an exhibitionist by nature -- I like to show the world my flaws.] But with the disappearance of her best friend, life has suddenly become three-dimensional, surround-sound, techno-color and now Jannie Fox is running to stay alive.

The Salt Lake City Police Department and Detective Colt Singer are determined to get to the bottom of Melissa's disappearance. Is Colt Singer the man to relight Jannie's heart when Jannie's ex-fiancé wants her back? Can the Salt Lake City Police stop Jannie's childhood friend Michael Holt, Melissa's husband, and bring him to justice? Will you be able to unravel the twist and turns of Jannie Fox's life and the Mormon Church? You'll never know until you read Natalie Collin's latest masterpiece Behind Closed Doors from St. Martin's Press. This is starting to sound a little bit like a plug for a bad reality TV show or a summary of a bad soap opera: Tune in next week to find out if Laura bangs Dr. Kildaire.

Apparently I can't pick up a Natalie Collins book without being mesmerized. From the prologue to the epilogue Collins weaves a tale that sucks you into the storyline with smart dialogue, a twisted - devious plot, and very human characters - characters who live in your memory long after you read the last word and close the book. Make sure you buy Behind Closed Doors because you'll definitely read it more than once. I did.

Calista Cates-Stanturf

And thus concludes the Amazon reviews.

Behind Closed Doors: The Movie

In the mysterious, sprawling mansion in BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, a plethora of gorgeous women lie in wait for a man. In addition to their desires for intense pleasure, the women also indulge in sadomasochism, a combination makes them irresistible.

Apparently Natalie got beat out in her use of the title by some Japanese Anime Porn.

Eternity: Smoke and Mirrors

Everyone always acted like the mirrors juxtaposed on opposite sides of the sealing room were the most romantic thing the temple had to offer. I had to muse on this, since kneeling at the altar, all you get to see is your own face and the back of the head of your soon to be spouse -- no visual connection with the other person for all of eternity's ever cascading mirrors.

Compare this to the mirror on the ceiling (as opposed to the mirrors of the sealing), where you can gaze at each other in all your glory -- now which one is truly romantic?

Burn

I could only find one picture on the web showing a cigarette lighter burn. This one happened to be on the inside of a child's leg. I know it isn't a subtle metaphor. Unfortunately, this type of injury on children is not uncommon.

Interminable Grin

I felt a little guilty when I clicked the "Blog This" button on Flickr, because I knew this sweet, young couple had posted their wedding pictures up on the web and hadn't really contemplated that some guy would type in "mormon temple bride" in the search engine to discuss the fleeting nature of the wedding "grin." I felt guilty until I realized that most every marriage -- whether it is happy, sad or ended has a picture like this in the wedding album. I think we miss something when these pictures don't fade and yellow with age. Digital pictures are a little too perfect for my tastes.

I must really be a cynic, because I see the fights and pain that is coming in that look, but lest you think I'm a complete non-romantic curmedgeon, the look is a consumation devoutly to be wished for.

Sarcasm

This is one of my Asian's for JOOM's orgy. Actually, the purpose of this post is to say that the hypertext link words from my original post were intended to be sarcastic. Sarcasm can be easily misread, so I wanted to be perfectly clear when I was speaking with my tongue clearly bewteen her lips, I mean her cheeks, I mean firmly planted in my cheek.

Demi Moore Calculation

Now, in an effort to be an equal opportunity blogger, we shall apply the Anna Nicole Addendum to Demi and Ashton.

At the time of the marriage, Demi was 42.

42/2 = 21

21+7= 28

At the time of the marriage Ashton was only 27, so it appears that Demi is worth between $60 and $120 million so she could buy that extra year for her boy toy.

Anna Nicole Smith Addendum

Besides her Playboy spreads, Anna is well known for her ability to marry old and wealthy. Basically the rule under the Anna Extension is as follows:

(Your Age/2) + 7 years - Your Net Worth/$60,000,000 = Appropriate Relationship Age

Anna's Case shows how this would work. Billionaire oil tycoon is visiting the Houston strip clubs and spies Anna, Ok is visually assaulted by Anna. He starts doing the calculations:

"I'm 89. 89/2 = 44.5 years + 7 equals 51.5 years old. My $1.6 billion net worth divided by 60 million means I can buy 26.6 years, so my appropriate relationship age is 24.8 years old. Anna dear, how old are you? 26? Guess what! Your old enough for me to marry!"

Chapter 2 Adventures in a Puritan Cult

Chapter 2

With mingled awe and admiration we scan the chapters of Tilly’s diary. In her crude, unlettered way, she had the divine gift of description, for she made the life of her mother breathe and pulsate for us. She recreated a being long since gone, in terms that were slightly hackneyed and stilted, but which nevertheless had the inherent strength of truth and reality.

During the long night that Tilly spent with her mother in the security of their common boudoir, Leni, the mother, revealed the warmth of her own childlike nature and retold with evident pleasure how she came to bring forth that little beauty that was Mathilda.

It seems that the master of the house was a retired general, who had served under Frederick the Great and despite his advanced age and predisposition to gout, he still retained his eye for a well-turned ankle and a full high female bosom. It was said that in his early life he had more women than Solomon had concubines and that a great part of his immense income was given over to supporting the numerous children that he begat. There were some who said that he used his tool so frequently that he had no time to button his trousers. In any event his lance was rarely sheathed. However, it was also told by those who knew him well that his ardor was always at such heat that young women preferred him to more youthful stags.

Whatever may be the truth, hones, Godly girls were a bit afraid of him. It was precisely because they were virgins and zealous in the defense of their virginity that he desired them. There was a zest and a relish in braking down theses flimsy redoubts that appealed to his brave, adventurous spirit. It was almost like a continuation of his long, successful campaigns in the field of battle. He would advance, then beat a strategic retreat, but never did he flee the battleground, always keeping his objective in mind and always finally winning the day.

One day after a particularly trying siege of the gout, he rang for Reinhold to bring him his beer before retiring for his afternoon nap. The butler was nowhere around at the moment and the bell jangled angrily in the downstairs kitchen. Everyone of the scullery maids was paralyzed with fear lest the lord and master visit his terrible wrath on their heads for not answering the bell and each looked at the other to see who wh would have the temerity to go up to him. Leni, whose duties never took her out of the kitchen, except at such times as she would have to clean up the rooms when the occupants were away, was the only one who could find no good reason for refusing the summons.

She responded to the call and entered the general’s room without the fear and trepidation that a better knowledge might have caused her. The old man looked at her under his beetling brows and took in her luscious contours. Even in the mean dress she wore, she was a picture for any connoisseur of feminine pulchritude, and the old stallion had not yet lost his eye for curves.

“Come here, my child,” he bade her. “I’ve never seen you before, have I?”

“No, Excellenz,” she stammered, a bit embarrassed by the warmth of his greeting. “Herr Reinhold is busy somewhere and I knew you would not want to be kept waiting. Is there anything your Honor wants?”

He looked at her again and the cockles of his old, yet errant, heart warmed by her appearance. Here was something that was worthy of even his admiration.

“Oh, it’s nothing important,” he said. “What’s your name, little one?”

“Leni, Excellenz,” she replied.

“Come here, my child,” he said. “let me look at you.”

She came toward him and he pulled her forward and put his arm around her waist.

“What is a beautiful maedchen like you doing in the kitchen?” he asked.

“She lowered her eyes. “I work there, your Honor,” she said.

“Ah, but you are too nice for that kind of work, child,” he told her. “We must find something else for you to do.”

She curtsied to him. “Your Excellenz is too good to say that,” she said demurely.

He pulled her closer to him and pushed his hand casually up around her bust.

“My, my,” he said wonderingly, “you are well-formed, aren’t you?”

Leni drew back a bit. She was still shy and was beginning to be a bit fearful of what his manner portended.

“Why, little one,” he said, “you are not afraid of me, are you?”

“No, your Highness,” she hastened to reply.

“Of course not, you darling,” he said, showing his teeth in what he thought was a disarming smile, while his lower lip trembled a bit and his mutton-chop whiskers shook with the working of his heavy jowls.

“You know, I’m old enough to be your father,” he told her with candor, “so you needn’t worry about me. Why, if I were and old lady you wouldn’t be afraid of me, would you?”

He didn’t wait for her answer but went on, “You see, liebchen, I’m an old and lonely man and I have really no one to talk to but Reinhold and that stupid ass is too much awed by my rank to talk to me as man to man. I like you. Sit down near me.”

She might have demurred, but those were the days when servants were as much a part of the household as any piece of furniture and the lower classes were taught to obey. Leni sat down shivering a bit, without exactly knowing the reason for her tremors.

The general stroked her hair and caressed her. He felt of her arms and ran his hands over other parts of her body. His hands were hot and a bit clammy with perspiration.

“You are delightful, Bubchen,” he said with a lecherous chuckle. “never have I seen anyone so perfectly formed.”

“What are these things” he said playfully, as he plunged his hand into her bosom.

“Oh, your Excellenz,” Leni cried, “you mustn’t do that.”

“But, kindlein,” he laughed, “why must I not? You are not ashamed of them, are you? Why, child, you ought to be proud to have someone see what you have. Some of the finest Damen in the country would be proud to have such shapely little titties as you have.”

He gave her no time to withdraw. He took out the teats, one by one and fondled them.

“Beauties,” he muttered, “beauties. Just look at that. As large as pumpkins, and what skin! Why, like milk and honey.” He put his cheek up against the velvet surface of one, beautiful globe and took the nipple between his old fingers. He pinched it and kneaded it as if he would mash it to a pulp and when she cried out in pain, he kissed it and told her he was sorry. “I could eat you, you’re so luscious,” he said.

“Come, little one, sit on my lap.”

There was little Leni could do but obey. If she refused she knew her position in the household was forfeited and the displeasure of such a prominent person as the general would blast all hopes of ever finding another situation.

“Put your arms around me, Liebchen,” he said. “Don’t be afraid, little darling. Have you a father?”

But the way he pulled her closer to him was hardly the manner of a pater familias.

“My little one doesn’t wear very nice clothes, does she?” he asked as he lifted her skirt up a bit. “my, my, cotton underthings.” And he clucked solicitously. “We must remedy that at once. We’ll get you some fine silk underwear. But really, I’m curious to see what those you have on are like. I’ve never seen such long, ugly drawers before.”

He raised the petticoats higher and Leni burrowed her head in his shoulder in shame, and closed her eyes. The drawers were long and ungainly and reached below her dimpled knees, while they did little to enhance the beauty of her gloriously bulging thighs. They were gathered in at the waist by a drawstring and in the center they were open so that Leni might with little trouble spread her splendid legs apart when she answered the call of nature.

“Ah,” the old general exclaimed, as he thrust his hand into the slit of her drawers, “you are slightly dampish, my child.”

He took out his handkerchief and drew it gently between her legs wiping away the imaginary dew, then gallantly returned the handkerchief to the upper portion of his lounging robe. But immediately he drew his hand back to the position he had held, feeling tenderly of her young, curly-haired cunny. “Like samite,” he muttered. “Child, you are exquisite.” He ran his hand up and down that delicious triangle, while his mouth watered and his eyes gleamed with unholy glee.

For some reason he felt that he was being hampered by the covering of her drawers and in his haste to get a full view of her beautiful young vagina, he tore the pantalettes to shreds. “Oh,” he said contritely, “I’ve torn them. But never mind, little sweetheart, I shall get you better and finer ones.”

Leni blushed and trembled and bit her lip. What would he do to her?

He stood her up before him and pulled her dress down and made her step out of it and then he helped her out of her torn pantalettes. Leni was a sight to behold. She was a painter’s dream.

Her waist was narrow and her abdomen flat, let her navel down she was as delightfully chubby as any three year old girl. The folds of flesh ran right down to her divine little triangle, which had curly, blond tendrils in profusion around two, dewy lips.

The general was in ecstasy. He got down on his hands and knees and explored her triangle, pushing her legs apart. He put in his old shaking fingers into her long slit, while he slowly drew each lip away from the other. He noted the little inner folds of pink flesh and drew them apart too to see the tinted little beauty that was her clitoris. It came to a point like a little rosebud, and by now, in spite of her slight aversion, she could not help but feel a certain agitation of spirit and it reflected itself in a slight flow of maiden-dew. The general was back in the days of his youth.

Perhaps he could not exactly ride to the hunt as well as he used to, but he could still go through the motions. Here was a mount fit for a king, but if he could not ride her, he could at least law with her and get a spiritual if not bodily orgasm.

He lifted her up bodily and carried her to the divan.

“Don’t fear Liebchen,” he whispered, “I’m not going to hut you. I’m just going to play with you a little. ”He got down on his knees again and buried his old head in the curve of her groin, lapping the dew from her soft, fat, little cunny, as if it were scented pollen and he were a bee. Perhaps his charger could no longer answer the call to battle, but his tongue was still as strong and lusty as any one’s. he pushed that questing, sensitive organ into the folds of the little flower and sucked each, separate nook and cranny until even the frightened little girl began to forget her fear and gave herself over to delight of the senses.

He was about to take the little mound of Venus between his lips, when a door slammed behind them. The general looked up startled, while his face which had been red now grew purple.

He got up from his knees, temples pounding and his eyes flashing anger.

“What is this?” he roared. “Who dares enter without bidding.”

“Why, father, it is I,” a young man’s voice broke in on them.

Hastily, Leni pulled the coverlet of the divan about her and sat up, her flushed face growing redder and then pale by turns.

Before them stood a fine figure of a young man dressed in a Hussar’s uniform. Leni had never seen him before but she understood that this must be the son of the house, the young Kapitan freiherr von Bertesgold.

There was no hint of pleasure in the old general’s face as he gazed on his son and heir.

“Of course I’m glad to see you Fritz,” the old man said, “but verdammter Kerrl,” he thundered, “what do you mean breaking in on me like this?”

“Aber, Father,” the young soldier said quietly with a smile, “I have not broken in on you. You know, I have knocked on the door perhaps far more than five minutes and since you did not answer my knock, I thought you might be ill or something, so I entered. The door wasn’t locked. But, father, you needn’t feel embarrassed on my account. I see you have a worthwhile playmate. You haven’t lost you old cunning!”

The general’s face grew livid. “I’ll thank you to keep you lip, young man. You have evidently forgotten your manners. Now leave this room at once. I’ll see you later.”

To Leni he bowed courteously. “You may leave now, little one, whenever you are ready, I shall see you again.”

Leni hastily got into her dress while she surreptitiously rolled her torn drawers together and shamefacedly tried to push them under her apron, while she sidled fearfully out of her room.

Leni did not hear the bitter recriminations between father and son, but she knew that whatever love was between them, a definite breach had been riven there by the old general’s choleric temper and the young Hussar’s cynical laughter. Eve in her young unworldliness, the girl knew that powerful me do not like to be discovered in their weaknesses.

She shrank from the room and sought to efface herself by slinking in the shadows of the gloomy corridors. A vast turmoil as in her breast and the thought of her postion in the household was not prepossessing. Whatever came of her contact with the general, she knew this was the beginning rather than the end osome new page in her life and the uncertainty of it all struck her with redoubled force when she contemplated the young soldier’s contempt when and if he met her again. There was something fine about both his appearance and his manner of speaking. He was not as other young men she had seen or known.

That night she lay in her narrow cell-like room, a prey to the harrowing thought that soon the inevitable would happen and the old general would have his will of her. It was not that sex as such was repellant to her, for in common with other maidens of her age, she too dreamed of all consuming passion and desired with all her body and soul, the embrace of a man, the searing scorching flames of an orgasm. But she knew that the old lecher would only despoil her. Where she remembered his uneven fangs, his foul breath and his filmy eyes as they gleamed myopically at the sight of her young, dewy triangle, she shuddered and every healthful desire to her body was stilled.